On being a grown-up
Fri Aug 15, 22:04 | OnMy mom is now deaf in one ear, possibly permanently, thanks to a perforated eardrum the doctors tried to blame on her “using expired medication.”
This is concerning in two ways. One, because the doctors thought my mother would intentionally deafen herself (and people wonder why I believe everyone in the health and wellness industry is a complete scumbag).
The other, because… I have a partially deaf mother, and a father turning 60 this year.
I’m not supposed to have aging, senior parents. Parents are supposed to be those towering forces in your life that hold punishment in one hand and privilege in the other, not people with ailing health and aching joints.
Somehow, I went from writing dumb stories about little girls going on whirlwind airship adventures to developing financial plans and worrying about investment options.
I stopped playing video games and I started making ten year plans and developing organizational to-do lists.
I stopped drawing pretty pictures to research apartments and choose renting vs. buying and look at interior design for maximizing space.
I went from being a hardworking creative anything-is-possible to a love-defeated salaried sorrysport, and I don’t know how to bring the old me back.
A few weekends ago, I spent the day in a baggy t-shirt and jeans and up came the unsolicited thought, “It’s so nice to not be on.” After so long of always dressing like I was going to a meeting, I was treating every day of my life like it were some big performance and not really me at all.
Sure, I was always organized and wrote lists and did all those things, but it’s different now. I make project plans and cost breakdowns rather than exciting stories.
I don’t like being a grown-up. My friends used to make fun of me for being a mom figure, but this is far beyond anything I did back then. Adulthood and maturity aren’t my thing, whimsy and fun and kung-fu-monkeyliciousness don’t mix well with budgets and obligations and drudgery.
I think I need to hitch a ride on the next airship and go on an adventure to find where my former self went to, and how to bring her back. I think she’s out looking for someone who went away a while ago, but where either of them went is something I can’t answer.
Yeah it is depressing when you think about it like that. My father is already over 60 and claims to have maybe 30-40% hearing in his good ear.
Plans for the future may make it seem like you are lost (the fun one is lost) but that’s hardly true, she is just in a napping state waiting for the hard working one to give the OK. Your life has been supported by your parents cause you could not do it alone, and now you can and your mature self is just taking the place of your parents. It will provide shelter, food, comfort and all kinds of things through hard work, and when these things are ready then the fun side may come back for a while and do what it does best.
Sometimes you just have to take a breather and kill a weekend with a LOTR Marathon where you watch them all making MST3K comments and stay up all night by the miricle of caffine, and little jelly filled tarts(hint hint).
Fun you ain’t dead it’s just waiting in a cave for mature you to dig out the front entrance. When you find an appartment and get alot of the financial plans made then you will have some free time to make pretty pictures, shop, or do what ever.
Sorry bout the blabical reply, looks like personality 23 got out again. I have no idea where that guy gets this stuff.
— Lek Sat Aug 16, 07:41 #
“It’s so nice to not be on.”
I can totally identify with that.
I think that anything I have to say would really just mirror Lek: growing up doesn’t have to mean abandoning the “childish” side of life. This week, I’ve spent hours playing video games, watched a Kim Possible movie (have I ever mentioned that I love Kim Possible?) and bought season one of Get Smart on DVD. And, like Lek, I like nothing more than a good MST3K session with friends.
Go write dumb stories, play video games, and draw pretty pictures. Nobody’s stopping you.
— Aaron Sun Aug 17, 11:41 #